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 [Homage to the Leinster Senior League player]
 by Luke Ginnell


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Football is beauty. Beauty is truth. Truth is, er, truth is, amateur football can be a jungle. A jungle of scum. A scummy, scummy jungle.
I bow down to thee, O Fount of Knowledge, O Chalice of Wisdom.

For thou art truly the Creator, the Supreme Being, the Wise One.

O Sage Master, shed thine tears of knowledge upon mine face such illuminating insights as "they're a great bunch of lads," or the Mightily Omni-cogniscient "twere but a game of twain halves, separated but by a break of a mere 15 minutes".

Enchant me with your undoubted and unparalleled Effervescence. Grant me the sagacity to inspire my brothers with phrases such as "the referee was a bit of a cunt".

I worship not, nor subscribe to, the false prophecies and salacious lies of the moderate, No! I cry. Taint me not with thine insipid moans. Decry it loud and far and wide: "he was a fuckin' mile offside!"

Thus I implore thee to Indelibly Etch upon mine uncomprehending human brain the pertinent words "youse are all a bunch of wankers anyway."

With these words I praise thee eternally, O Great One

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